I sometimes disgusts me. But too rarely.
I was about five my mother tells me, "no matter how good you are, there will always be someone in the world who is better than you." At that time, were swear words out of my Ausdrückskraft, but still I thought "fuck it." I have never believed it, never wanted to believe her. I have tried since childhood to be the very best. And only now I finally know that she was always right. I had success with just maybe arrogance.
Yesterday I found out that Cornell (one of five universities to which I apply in December) has rejected me. I was amazed. The competition at such a university is of course crazy - 300 to 400 applicants for about 10 Jobs - still I was but a hundred percent self-conscious. I found it simply did not grasp that I would be rejected. I was in May, best of year on the fifteenth best college in the Americas, had almost perfect grades, and write damn good work / articles. I thought it was, of course, already determined that all five universities - Cornell, Yale, Brown, Princeton and Harvard, which all belong to the "Ivy League" and virtually the top 5 universities are American - would accept me, because no one better than I could have been made. And even after the receipt of the letter my heart was stupid as to insist.
But that would be futile self-denial and unforgivable unnecessary pride. I'm still not the best, but one of the most arrogant student in America. I'm afraid I have to admit seek high that no universities will accept me after all. And now what I've seen disgusting about me today. My dream was completely insane, and has turned me into a pretty bad man. I do not know where am I to go, what to make of me. I do not understand the world anymore.
Excuse me. My life is much more mediocre, my belief a lot funnier than I had previously added. I must think a long time.
0 comments:
Post a Comment